To the Women Who Yearn to be Mothers
Almost 2 years ago, I wrote, A Letter to the Childless Woman. At the time, I was someone who was healing after divorce, coming out of a marriage at the age of 30, with no children in-tow. I thought that motherhood might never be in the cards for me because I was “starting over” arguably late into the ideal years for a woman to become pregnant.
The words I wrote in that letter still ring true in my heart today. I tried to capture the reality that many women face: life doesn’t always lead to motherhood, even if you desperately wish it would. Some of us divorced young and found ourselves single in our 30’s without any children from our former marriage. While there are many wonderful, loving women, who would make incredible mothers, yet they are facing the heartbreak of infertility. I am unfortunately a member of both categories. I ended my letter with hope, stating:
“Whoever you may be, keep moving forward on this journey with courage, self-love, pride, and hope. You are exactly where you need to be and your path will become clear. Even if the absence of a child brings you grief, know that it’s possible that you don’t yet understand why motherhood hasn’t happened yet. Keep moving toward your future with faith that there is beauty and joy ahead of you.
Trust that you are exactly where you are supposed to be.”
I love that I ended hopeful and still believe the words in my letter. Hope has been the one guiding light on my journey that has never failed me. It’s what helps me keep going on my path: 100% hopeful that motherhood is in my future.
The words in my letter fill both my spirit and my heart with light. If being a mom is what you desperately yearn for and you aren’t there yet, I hope that you hold words of hope deep inside your mind when you feel lost. Hope can be your light when everything feels dark.
Even though I still feel the same hope I’ve always felt, a lot has changed since I wrote that letter and I’ve learned some valuable life-lessons along the way. I’ve moved homes, made new friendships, traveled, fallen in love and gained some new perspective. I’m on the path to motherhood now more than ever, but it still hasn’t happened (even though I desperately wish it would). At 34, I know I still have time, but the gap just feels smaller and smaller every day. I also have to face the hard road of infertility and everything that comes with that.
Honestly, the worst thing I’ve ever received from the universe has been infertility after spending all of my 20’s avoiding getting pregnant. I had no idea I would have so much trouble having a child. I deeply wish I had started trying earlier.
I yearn to be a mother. I’ve also found the most incredible man to raise a family with. He will be a wonderful father. All of this makes it that much easier for my mind to go to dark places where I think words like “impossible” when I think about our chances to have a child.
A year ago, these dark thoughts brought tears every time they entered my mind. They still do, but not quite as often. Like I said, I’ve grown and gained new perspective. My goals now are happiness and peace. I can only control so much, and motherhood is one of those things that is somewhat out of my hands. I can’t let something I can’t control take hold of my wellbeing and emotions. I’m committed to creating an extraordinary life for myself, no matter what happens.
I’ve also gained a new perspective on what I will do to try to have children. I’m extremely open to any measure necessary to create a family. I’m on board with the IVF route and will be exploring that option, if necessary. If this fails and motherhood isn’t in the cards for me, I’ll be exploring surrogacy, adoption and any other method out there.
If these routes fail, I’ve also made peace with the fact that my life will be fulfilling and filled with joy, even if I end up childless. I trust in God’s plan. I trust in my path. I trust in the universe to carve out the journey I’m meant to walk.
My wish for you is that you can also have this trust for your life.
Sending you only peace and light. Always.