Never be Afraid to Stand Alone
“Since I was 15, I’ve either been with a guy or breaking up with a guy. I have not given myself 2 weeks of a breather to just deal with myself.”
Raise your hand if, while coping with your divorce, you have watched, or better yet, read the book "Eat, Pray, Love." Now raise your other hand if you've watched it more times than you care to admit. Both my hands are up!
It's an amazing, uplifting, true story about a woman (Liz) who chooses what she wants for her life and acts on it, even though it is the unconventional path. Divorce is heartbreaking for Liz, but it's what she needs to do to achieve her true purpose in life. After divorce, she finds herself and achieves inner peace and happiness. I identify with Liz. Like her, a lot of my adult-life has revolved around romantic relationships.
I watched the movie recently, again. This time, the quote at the start of this post really popped out at me. Like Liz, I have spent my entire adult-life in one relationship or another. Since I was 17, I have been in one serious relationship after another. And in each relationship, I lost myself or I changed aspects of my personality, who I truly am, to accommodate someone else.
After separating from my ex husband, I still did not give myself time to breath. I desperately felt that I needed to find another relationship. I desperately feared that I would be alone forever, as if this was somehow a life sentence. As if being alone was the worst thing that could possibly happen. I didn't give myself the proper time to just "breathe and deal with myself."
Allowing myself the time to just breathe and deal with myself is the healthiest thing I can do for myself during this chapter, where I am rediscovering who I am, independent from any relationship. It's an amazing blessing to have the time to develop an enormous amount of self-love, without any distraction or influences. I now have the space I need to fall in love with myself all over again. It is also a wonderful gift that allows me to discover parts of my personality that were possibly lying dormant. These are parts I possibly sacrificed to ensure that I was making the other person happy, putting their needs and wants first, in an attempt to be a good partner.
It is during this time when I stand alone that I will truly discover who I am and who I am meant to be. I now know that being alone isn't a "life sentence." Rather, it is an amazing gift given to me. The gift of time to find myself. The gift to become who I am truly meant to be.
After your divorce, give yourself the time to just be alone and love your life. Do not cheat yourself out of this amazing opportunity to truly find yourself again. Never be afraid to stand alone. Allow yourself the time to just breathe and exist on your own.
Sending you only peace and light.
Listen to the Heal & Thrive After Heartbreak Podcast
Pick up the best seller, Her Awakening: One Woman’s Journey to Healing After Divorce