A Letter to the Childless Woman
To the childless woman,
It may feel that your path isn’t lived by many, but you’re not alone. This is my letter to you. This is my letter to me.
Maybe you’ve made the choice to forgo having a child and you’re beyond happy to be living a life free from the responsibility that raising a child demands. Maybe you have more things you want to do that might be unachievable with a child. Possibly you dream of traveling the world. Perhaps you have ambition to become CEO and you believe that career comes first. In no way am I saying you need to pick one or the other: family or career, as my mother showed me, women can do anything and everything; however, maybe your choice is to focus on career right now and motherhood can wait. Maybe you don’t feel financially ready, or perhaps, you just feel that you’re too young to become a mother.
To any woman reading this who has chosen the path of no children, I salute you, for living life on your own terms, no matter how many times people ask when you’re planning to have a child, or why you don’t have a child. You’re doing what’s right for you and you should be celebrated.
However, maybe you desperately want a child. Maybe you believe you’re meant to be a mom, yet it hasn’t happened.
Maybe your marriage ended in your 20’s or 30’s and you not only feel the heartbreak that is the end of a marriage, but also the sadness that comes from the absence of any children. Possibly, your mourning is not isolated to just a broken union, but also extends to grief over someone who never arrived and who you fear isn’t in the plans for you. Even though starting over brings new possibilities, maybe you fear that motherhood will never happen.
Maybe you haven’t found the right person to raise a child with, even though you’re constantly looking. Perhaps you were never in the right place to have a child and you’re now past your childbearing years, even though you still yearn to be a mother.
Or, perhaps you’ve been trying for years, and the constant heartache of never conceiving has become overwhelming. Maybe infertility has rocked you to the core, emotionally, and you feel lonely, desperate, hopeless and worthless. If you’re like me, maybe you’ve thought more times than you would care to admit that you’ll never be blessed with the one thing you want most.
Whoever you are, keep moving forward on this journey with courage, self-love, pride, and hope. If you’ve chosen a life without kids, be proud of living life on your own terms. Even if society and the media are constantly sending messages that women are meant to have children, be proud that you’re doing what’s right for you. The messages out there are toxic because they communicate that women are only valued if we become mothers. This is insane and I wish it would stop.
If you’re like me, and you’re desperate to have a child, know that you’re exactly where you need to be. Your path will become clear. If the absence of a child brings you inconsolable grief, know that it’s possible the universe hasn’t shown you why motherhood hasn’t happened yet (emphasis on the word yet). Keep moving toward your future with faith that there’s beauty and joy ahead. Trust that you’re exactly where you’re supposed to be.
In the meantime, I’m sending you only light and peace. Always.